A Story a Week About Me & Mine


Week 16 | Me? A Movie Star?

I am not, nor have I ever been, a movie star.

But, I am currently pretending to be one.

Four weeks ago I found myself exceedingly bored. I was eating everything in sight, drinking loads of wine and every joint in my body ached from lack of exercise and early onset old age.

After a good long look in the mirror, I did not like what I saw and decided to indulge myself in a little game of make believe. 

For one week I would be a movie star. I would eat like a movie star, exercise like a movie star and hold my head high like a movie star. I would behave exactly as I perceived movie stars to behave.

And for the next three days I exercised like crazy and I starved myself.

At the end of the third day, hungry as sin and refusing to eat popcorn with the kids, Yelaina yelled at me...

"YOU ARE NOT A MOVIE STAR."

I simply smiled at her and continued with my little game...until a trip to Thrifty foods the next day changed it from simple make believe into an important exercise in developing my self-confidence and mental well-being.

You see, I saw my reflection in the freezers at Thrifty's. My immediate thought was, oh my goodness I am so big.

And then I said, out loud, "f@$k it, I'm a movie star".

You know what happened?

In the middle of the meat aisle at Thrifty Foods in Mill Bay, I smirked, set my shoulder's back and I started strutting just a little bit.It felt amazing and for the rest of the week, I told myself over and over that I was a movie star.

I even planned a photo shoot for myself.

And that was when I realized just how deep my issues run.

You see, I took the time to set up the shoot, select special outfits and do my hair and makeup, but I was too scared to come downstairs because of what my husband and kids might think. I mean seriously, these are the people who love me and have seen me at my very worst. 

I would love to tell you that I became this self-conscious as an adult but, the truth is, I have always been shy and I now realize just how much it has held me back over the years.

So I forced myself to go through with the photo shoot.

Yelaina and Marek both played at being the photographer. They loved bossing me around and made the experience so much fun. 

That was was my first week as a movie star.

I have been doing this for a month now. I no longer starve myself. Instead I have learned about proper diet and exercise and I am slowly shedding weight. I workout every single day, sometimes twice, and for the first time in about 5 years my joint pain is minimal.

My progress is terribly slow but I remind myself everyday that this is a process that "takes longer than a month" (thank you Chris Pratt for that pearl).

Next month I will start watching acting tutorials on YouTube and next year the goal is to actually audition for something.

I mean, If I'm doing the work I may as well make it count right?

So wish me luck and, please, try indulging in a little game of make believe yourself.

You just never know what you might learn!

Mill Bay BC | Portra 400 | Mamiya 645 Pro TL | Shira Windecker Photography | The Find Lab


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